Trouble
by Shaddyr
Summary: Rodney hasn't gotten laid in far too long, and it's starting to affect his perceptions. Preslash.


Trouble (Sequel to Not Your Everyday Care Package)  
Category: humour, pre-slash  
Disclaimer: Not mine or the boys would be otherwise occupied…  
Word Count: 2694

Author Note: Thanks so much to thecephalopod for late night (early morning?) writing chats, suggestions and support. Also, thanks to ladyniko for help with the ending.

* * *

It had been a good day. The science staff had been working at maximum efficiency, a three week puzzle over a power drain on the east side of the City had been solved and none of the newcomers had done anything stupid enough to merit a dressing down from McKay.

He'd glowered at Kavanaugh's snide comment that they should have gotten him a kitten a year ago, but refused to let the man spoil his good mood. Besides, McKay knew how to remotely hack his laptop, so the next time the little cretin was hooked into the mainframe, any personal files he had on it were going to be posted on the Lantean Intranet before he could so much as blink.

It was Rodney's favourite time of day. He was alone in the lab, nursing his cup of coffee and reviewing the power output simulation Radek and the others had been working on. Setting down his mug, he cupped his chin in his hand while he leaned his elbow on the desk. He studied the simulation running on his laptop as he absentmindedly stroked the tiny calico kitten that was sprawled out beside it.

He spotted a variable that might increase the yield and stopped petting Curie long enough to type in the new numbers and restart the simulation and project it on the large screen in the lab. It started as it had before, only this time the curve was steeper, showing the kind of output that he and Radek had been working toward. Without warning, the simulation went crazy, the power curve dropping and spiking before the program crashed. He gaped at the screen before glancing down to find that the little fur ball had padded on to the laptop keyboard in an attempt to nuzzle under his fingers for more attention.

"You little trouble maker!" he gently scolded as he removed her. "Like the incompetents I've been saddled with don't already create enough mayhem around here," he admonished, placing her in the crook of his arm. He reached out with his free hand, typing in a command to restart the program and undo the damage she'd caused. The rapid fire purring from the kitten snuggled against him brought a soft smile to his face as he went back to studying the simulation.

"I heard a rumour this morning," drawled a familiar voice from the door of the lab. McKay rolled his eyes with a sigh. He'd been expecting this all day, and Rodney knew he wasn't going to get anything else accomplished until Sheppard came in and poked some fun at his expense. If the situation was reversed, it's what he'd be doing.

"As much as it pains me to admit it, Colonel, the rumour is true."

"You mean they really are making a Star Wars movie starring Jar Jar Binks?"

"What?" McKay stared in confusion before rolling his eyes yet again at Sheppard's very lame attempt at humour.

"Oh, yes, that's hysterical. Not," he shot back with a scowl. "You were, of course, referring to the fact that I was reduced to gibbering idiot when presented with little Miss Curie here last evening in the cafeteria," he went on as he looked down affectionately at the kitten. "So, yes. There was speechlessness, followed by babbling, and possible a high pitched noise that I refuse to call a squeak. Now, if we're all done with the point and snicker fest, I'd like to get back to work."

Sheppard sauntered over and leaned a hip against the lab bench. He crossed his arms and bent forward slightly, peering at the tiny face staring back at him over Rodney's arm. "She's really little, isn't she?"

McKay gave him the you're an idiot look before replying. "She is only 8 weeks old."

He stood there and let Sheppard have a good look at her. The colonel made little noises to pique the kitten's curiosity, then tilted his head this way and that, mimicking her movements. When he engaged her in a staring contest, McKay got annoyed. No one could win a staring contest with a cat, it was common knowledge. He was about to point out this obvious fact when he realized that even for Sheppard, this behaviour was weird. He narrowed his eyes, observing John's interactions with his kitten (and wasn't it nice to see that he wasn't the only one reduced to idiocy when faced with an adorable ball of fluff) and it suddenly dawned up him that maybe Sheppard wanted to hold her; he just didn't want wuss out and actually have to ask.

Rodney smirked. He wondered how long it would take John to crack.

Sheppard, unsurprisingly, lost the staring contest. He laughed quietly and then reached out, extending his index finger to finally touch the kitten. Before Rodney could say anything to warn him, Miss Curie took a swipe at the digit.

"Ow!" he yelped in surprise, jerking his hand back. Two perfectly symmetrical little furrows were spouting tiny droplets of blood. "Vicious little thing!" John chuckled as he brought the bleeding finger to his mouth to soothe it.

Rodney found himself unable to look away from the sight of Sheppard sucking his fingertip. His mouth went dry as he watched John nurse it for a moment before pulling it out to inspect the injury. An unexpected heat shot through him, settling in his groin as Sheppard flicked his tongue over the skin to clean off a stray drop of blood. McKay realized two things; one, he was staring at Sheppard's mouth; two, he was getting hard. He forced himself to tear his gaze away from John and focused on the kitten instead.

"Actually, that wasn't so bad," Rodney dismissed his complaint, trying not to sound like he'd just found the sight of his best friend sucking on his finger one of the most erotic things he'd ever seen. Clearly, he needed to get laid, and soon. "She was just playing with you. This morning when Radek tried to pet her, I think she actually took a chunk out of his hand." He laughed as he remembered the lab resonating with the strident sounds of Czech invective.

"Sounds like she's the perfect cat for you."

"Hey!" His head snapped up and he gave Sheppard a glare. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Sheppard gave that him his standard aren't I charming grin. "Come on - how many times have you taken a chunk of Zelenka over something? I'm just saying, it looks like she's a good match for you. You're both a little bit temperamental."

McKay scritched the kitten's chin, eliciting a loud purr of approval. "Don't you listen to the goofy flyboy with the stupid hair. He hasn't got a clue what he's talking about."

"You leave my hair out of this!"

"You take no issue with moniker of goofy flyboy, but defend your hair? Sometimes, Colonel, I worry about your priorities."

Despite the battle scars, McKay judged that Sheppard was still hoping for a chance to hold the kitten. He shook his head. Maybe if he handed over Miss Curie for a bit, Sheppard would leave and take his far-too-distracting self away from the lab. He had work to do, and it was going to be damn near impossible to concentrate as it was, what with visions of Sheppard sucking on his finger, his tongue licking at the tip swirling around in his head. He felt himself flush, earning an odd look from the Colonel.

"Rodney, you okay?"

He nodded. "Fine, I'm fine," he stammered, feeling increasingly flustered. "So. Uhm. Are you here for a reason, or just to ogle my cat?"

Sheppard waggled his eyebrows, boyish smirk firmly in place. "Anything else around here to ogle?"

He could feel his ears turning red. This was so not a conversation that he wanted to be having with Sheppard.

"Actually, I have to, uh, get something from the adjoined lab, and I need both hands, so you hold her for a minute," he babbled, then stepped in close to gently settle the kitten against Sheppard's chest. John's hands came up to support her and brushed against his. It felt, to Rodney, like coming in contact with a live wire, and he yanked his hands away as if burned. He stumbled back a step, then turned on heel and made a beeline for the other lab.

"Uh... Rodney?" He heard the hesitation and concern in Sheppard's voice. "Seriously buddy, are you sure you're okay? You seem a little... jumpy. How much coffee have you had today anyway?"

"I'm fine," McKay shot back through gritted teeth as he slumped against the wall of the other lab, breathing in deeply while he tried to steady himself. What in the hell was wrong with him? Sure, he'd always noticed Sheppard was attractive, and sexy, and hey, nothing wrong with that, sexy people are sexy, male or female. It didn't mean anything that he would notice a man was good looking. Except this wasn't a man, this was John. And suddenly Rodney wasn't seeing Colonel Sheppard, Military Leader of Atlantis, he was seeing John, the incredibly attractive, sexy man, and good god, this was going to make working together a difficult if he didn't get a handle on it soon. Like right the hell now.

If there was one thing he had come to trust about the Universe, it was that the Universe had a twisted sense of humour. Somebody somewhere was laughing at him right now, he just knew it.

He glanced around until he spied some notes that had been left sitting out. Taking a deep breath, he grabbed them and strode back into the room as though everything was fine and cool and there were no virtually pornographic thoughts going though his mind regarding the colonel.

Rodney settled into a chair a few feet down from Sheppard and made a show of pretending to read the notes he'd retrieved, but he just couldn't seem to make sense of the letters on the page in front of him. He sighed and closed his eyes, lifting one hand to rub his temple as his head slumped forward.

The next moment he was aware the Sheppard was standing right beside him, looking down on him with concern. "McKay." The voice was firm, gentle, and held a smattering of concern.

"Hmmm?" He didn't trust himself to look up at John right now. Since he was obviously losing his mind, there was the very real possibility of stupid words that should not be spoken slipping out of his mouth. Lack of eye contact and monosyllabic responses were the safest options.

"Bed."

Rodney's eyes popped open and he whipped his head around to gawk at Sheppard.

"Excuse me?"

Sheppard took the papers out of McKay's boneless fingers. "You're trying to read this upside down," he pointed out and McKay glanced at said papers to see that they were, in fact, upside down.

"And why are you reading Choi's notes on-" Sheppard paused, studying the report that he held. "I have no idea what the hell these notes are about. But I was sure you told me just last week Choi had theories a 3 year old could poke holes through."

McKay yanked the report away from Sheppard and tossed it on the desk. He wrapped one arm around his middle, brought his other hand to his forehead to pinch the bridge of his nose. The situation was rapidly spiralling out of control and he judged that it was time to beat a strategic retreat. Sleep could very well be the key to resetting his brain's config.sys file and purging the Sheppard finger suckingerotic command that was currently running.

"You're right. I'm tired. I can't think. I'm going to bed."

"Good choice."

McKay crossed his arms and looked up at John. "And isn't it time for all good little Air Force Colonels to be getting off to bed as well?"

Rodney was sure that the enigmatic smile on Sheppard's face was the kind that kingdoms went to war over, that respected and powerful people sacrificed careers, families and lives for. And since when had he been dazzled by John's smile? He was in so much trouble.

"Well, Rodney, you're operating from a false assumption."

McKay cocked an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue.

Sheppard sauntered over and stopped right in front of him. "That statement assumes I'm good."

For a moment, McKay sat stunned, a deer in headlights, while John leaned in to him, closer, closer, their faces only inches apart --

-- and handed over Miss Curie. She was very mellow, almost sleeping, and Sheppard settled her as gently as possible on Rodney. It took McKay almost a full second to process that John was NOT going to kiss him. He gave his head a little shake and looked down at the kitten as he lifted his hands up to cradle her against his chest.

Sheppard's hand unexpectedly settled on his shoulder, sending a frisson of warmth through McKay that had little to do with body heat. He felt a slow flush spreading from his toes on up as he slowly lifted his head to meet John's eyes. All he found there was concern.

"Seriously Rodney, go to bed. You're acting weirder than normal, which isn't saying much, I know-"

"Hey! I resent that!"

"-and if I find out that you ignored my polite suggestion, I might be forced tell Carson that you seemed a little peaked lately-"

"You wouldn't DARE!"

"-and you know Carson, with his tests and samples and needles-"

"I hate you, you know that right?"

"-so really, it would be in both of our best interests if you would just go and get some sleep, because if you're grounded, the whole team is stuck until Carson clears you."

"Like you wouldn't go offworld without me!"

"Aww, it's just not as much fun without you there whining about the weather, the bugs, the indigenous population's religious beliefs, the food, and the five mile march from the gate-"

"You're a sadist! And also, I hate you."

"So I'd be forced to hang around Atlantis, and then I'd get bored. And you know what happens when I get bored."

"Oh my God, you are twelve!" McKay grumbled as he began the process of shutting down the simulation and securing the lab. "Fine, Colonel Ants-in-your-Pants, last thing I need is to be grounded with a bunch of new scientist who will drive me insane until they figure out how not to blow us all to kingdom come while you are hanging around getting underfoot in the lab."

Sheppard chuckled at that, then gave McKay a friendly slap to his arm before removing his hand completely. "Okay. I'm heading off to do a perimeter check before turning in. If I swing back this way and find that you've gotten caught up with something else, I'll drag you out of here and put you to bed myself."

Rodney suppressed the sudden suicidal impulse to ask Sheppard if that was a promise. He limited himself to a simple nod, and watched the Colonel head off down the corridor on the first leg of his nightly sweep. Once he was out of sight, McKay slumped against the lab bench, still in shock at how much the lingering warmth of John's hand on his arm enhanced the state of semi-arousal he was already in. He needed to get to his room, take a long shower, and try to forget that the last hour had ever happened.

He rose from his chair and thought 'off' at the lights as he left the lab. Miss Curie was purring up a storm under his chin as he slowly walked down the hallways to the transporter. He rubbed his cheek against her soft fur. "No more slicing open John's fingers, Little Miss," he admonished quietly. She regarded sleepily, and he found himself reminded of Sheppard in the morning when they were out on a mission, with his sleepy, come hither eyes--

"Oh God!"

Make that a cold shower.

He was in so much trouble.


End file.
